Herpes. It’s a word that conjures fear at worst and distaste at best, with a reputation as a disease spread by contact with multiple sexual partners. But herpes can occur in almost anyone — at any age, monogamous or not — including, for women, after menopause. You might be suffering painful episodes that recur — the virus that causes herpes lives in the nerves and stays with you — or you might not even know you have it.
The Gift That Keeps on Giving
Herpes is very common — so common that something like half to three-quarters of the population has herpes simplex, the virus that causes cold sores or fever blisters around the mouth. Ten percent to 15 percent of the population has genital herpes, which is marked by small blisters that burst, leaving open sores around your genitals, thighs or bottom, caused by a variation of the same virus.
There are many ways to acquire the herpes virus. Let's say you share a drink with someone, and your lips touch the same spot on the can or glass. Your friend may have no symptoms but still be shedding virus— as much as a third of such shedding comes from folks who have no idea they are infected. It’s important to understand such infections are not intentional, which can help with the complicated feelings that can come with learning you have been infected with herpes.
If someone has genital herpes and doesn’t know it, they also can shed virus and spread it to their partners, including through oral sex and between monogamous couples. It’s even possible to spread it to yourself during self-stimulation, if there is virus on your fingers that spreads to your genitals or a sex toy. This can cause a good deal of suspicion and emotional angst alongside the physical pain, if you don’t understand the mechanics of how easily this virus is passed between us.
Judge Not
Because herpes can be sexually transmitted, there’s often an insinuation that you've done something wrong, which can make sufferers afraid to share their infected status even with the people closest to them. Learning more about the virus and how common it is can help people understand why it’s essential to tell partners and future partners before it spreads to them, and to use barrier methods like condoms to reduce the incidence of spreading. Avoid sexual contact while you are having an outbreak, which can last up to four weeks initially — subsequent outbreaks usually are shorter and less severe.
What triggers those outbreaks, you ask? Stress is a factor, for oral and genital herpes. Working on controlling stress even just a little bit can lessen outbreaks. Be in touch with your body: If you start feeling symptoms, like tingling or pain, or you notice a sore pop up, make sure you don't create any contact between yourself or your partner.
If you find you are having frequent outbreaks, talk to your healthcare provider about going on a medication that can help reduce those occurrences. At-home remedies like lidocaine cream will help with pain; loose clothing can reduce irritation. A warm sitz bath can be soothing; some find relief with ice packs. Just remember to avoid sexual activity while you are having symptoms, and wash your hands regularly.
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